The Gay Christian Debate.
The LGBTQIA+ conservative Christian debate.
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An always highly controversial and heated debate, one that has pained many in my community, including myself for years. Speaking today as Brad, I want to talk about faith and its role, or lack thereof in the LGBTQIA community, and give those outside our community a deeper insight into some commonly shared opinions and beliefs. Before you choose to take a side immediately, as so many of us do – please take the time to read this post. It’s a tough debate, on both sides, but one that I feel is worth having.
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Sam and I both grew up Catholic. Surprisingly, most of our fellow members of the queer community were also raised in faith of some kind. Brad’s story is one that really is no different than other members of the LGBTQIA community. I’m simply choosing to shine a light on something that exists but is rarely spoken about.
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Have you ever walked into a room and immediately felt as though you didn’t belong? Almost as if everyone in the room had a prior discussion about you before you walked in. The Catholic Church specifically does a really great job of making you feel less then, if you do not abide by their extremely strict rules, which are mostly man made. If you truly read scripture, you will know that Jesus, the Catholic Church’s role model, if you will, made those who were the least Christ like, feel most at home. Sinners, tax collectors, prostitutes, were all welcome to the table with open arms. He made them feel more at home, than those who donated the largest portion of their wealth to the Temple. And is that true of the Church we know today?
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Now, the Church will tell you that they do welcome homosexuals. That the Catechism has now recognized that homosexuals “do exist” and must be treated with love and respect – a huge progressive move from only about 5 years ago. However their new stance which is comical because, well, it is written by man - not God, states homosexuals do exits, but must remain celebrant. Seems awfully judge if you ask me. Come practice with us, we respect you, we see you, we acknowledge that being gay is not by choice, just…don’t express your love for each other as we get to with out heterosexual partners. Now after what I just shared you may be shocked by this - but Sam and I still practice our Christian faith every single day. We pray each night before bed, we attend mass once a week, we have a charitable candle company that was inspired by a sermon we heard in our home church - one that called us to give back to those less fortunate, and we try and live our lives each day in such a way that models our Christian upbringing. We fail, we are not perfect, but we try.
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Now, you may be wondering why? Brad for example has faced extreme persecution by the Church his whole life. He was an alter server, went to Catholic grammar school, was an Eagle Scout, attended Bible camps, went to mass once sometimes twice a week, but the minute he chose to express his homosecxuality, all of those “positive attributes” fell away. He felt that the Church, who he had spent so many years in service to, almost did an abrupt about face in the opposite direction. So, the question on everyone’s mind then is, so then why still choose to practice faith? “They obviously don’t wan you there, so why do you go?” The answer? God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, Buddah, the divine universe, whatever you choose to call it - he/she/they has saved my ass MANY TIMES. I don’t deserve a relationship with my higher power by any means, but yet he wants one with me. If you knew my back story, you would understand the context - and I’ll happily share that with you all one day. But for now, you’ll just have to trust me.
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See faith is a funny thing. We can’t know God. God is way too vast. And when I say God, that doesn’t have to be the God you knew growing up. A God that condemns, a God who shames – God is meant to be a father, yeah? “God our Father.” So, see him as such. Literally like any father would see their child. He certainly looks out for us, I mean I’m sure you have your stories as I do mine, but he loves us – and that’s that. If you chose to rob a bank tomorrow, or break the law in some way – would your Father here on earth love you any less? Probably not. I’m sure he wouldn’t be happy, but his love for you wouldn’t change. You see, so when people ask – how could you choose to still practice faith or Christianity, my answer is always – my relationship with my higher power is far more important than the opinions of a few. The man-made opinions of how I should live my life, or practice my faith simply because I love another man? Truly, what makes me different than any other fellow Christians than simply what happens behind closed doors? And if that is what Christians are going to choose as what separates me from them or heaven and hell, then let them – it has very little influence over how I see myself or my relationship with my higher power.
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All this to say, if you’re a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, maybe have grown up in faith but lost it somewhere along the way because of experiences you had as a child – or you’re completely new to the idea and feel like Christians and the LGBTQIA+ community are somewhat mutually exclusive – feel free to DM me and let’s chat. There are a TON of communities out there where you will feel welcomed to celebrate or explore faith and I’d be more than happy to point you in the direction or just chat about our experience as a gay couple who practices faith. This is not a post saying, you should – just opening the door should you wish. We as LGBTQIA+ people don’t ask permission for our lifestyle. We never have. So why choose to feel the need to ask permission to have or practice faith? If Spirituality is a gift not of this earth, then why do so many of us seek permission from mere mortals? Faith is not of this earth. So, practice in your own way. Start small, faith can be found in yoga, in meditation, in prayer, in day dreaming, in acts of service to a neighbor. Faith comes in many forms, and you get to choose what that looks like in your life.